Many a false step is made by standing still.

2004-04-12T18:02:00.000-05:00

I think the biggest problem with being a writer is that rejection comes via mail. When I open the mailbox, I dread seeing the letters addressed in my handwriting. It can only mean one thing: rejection letter. I always open the letter with the utmost hope, but it's always the same.

Today, I got a personalized rejection letter. The editor scrawled on the form letter, "The crossdressers on the staff voted for it, but..." The elipses were there; I didn't add them to leave something out. Hey, at least it means they read my story. I was starting to wonder of editors just tossed the stories away if they'd never heard of the writer and stuffed SASEs with form letters.

Yeah, I wrote a story about a crossdresser, but it seems to me that nobody wants to publish it. That's too bad because I think it's a damn good story. Every time I get a rejection letter, I have to send another submission. I want to keep a steady number of letters in the stream. Now, I've got 4 more submissions to write.

2004-04-06T18:11:00.000-05:00

Today, I sat ouside on the patio all afternoon with my laptop and cats and worked on my book. It was a beautiful day! Mid-sixties and sunny. :) Could I ask for more? I've almost finished writing chapter 9, so I guess that means that I am progressing nicely on my book. The cats entertained themselves by chasing bugs and watching a ground squirrel that lives in the garden.

Soon, I'll need to start my seeds so that I can plant them at the end of May. I've decided to put some container gardens on my patio this year. So far, I'll be planting sweet pea and green beans. I also plan to plant purple prairie coneflowers and astors, but I'll buy those in plant form. Of course, I'll put my cactus plants outside come late May. I thought one of my cactuses was sick, but then it sprouted a little bud. It's going to bloom! I think I need to learn how to read my plants better. A similar thing happend last year with my aloe plants. I thought they were dying, and then they sprouted about 10 baby aloe plants a piece. The aloes will probably out-grow their pots again this summer.

2003-12-16T10:10:00.000-06:00

eBay item 2448756945 (Ends 21-Dec-03 18:21:29 GMT ) - Honda CB500T rolling chassis - horrible

Wow, this is one funny auction, and what I can't believe is that it's already getting bid on! This is a bike that does not work had has been urinated on by a cat. I don't think you could pay me to even touch something that disgusting, let alone buy it.

What I find particularly amusing is the rant about dumb eBay users. As an eBay seller, I've run into several users who would give a nail a run for its money in terms of intelligence. Actually, this is the reason that I have stopped shipping internationally. Some people just don't get it. If I am located in Madison, Wisconsin in the United States, it is going to be expensive to ship to any other country, particularly those that require the crossing of an ocean. One gentleman even asked me if I could ship ground to a European country. I'm not really sure how that would work, given that the Atlantic Ocean prevents this...

2003-12-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

.::WKRG.com :: - "Hole Punch" Cloud Photos ::

These are some Hole Punch clouds seen yesterday. WKRG TV station for Mobile, AL and Pensacola, FL. Hole Punch clouds are caused by the jet stream punching a hole into a deck of cirrocumulus (mixture of 'super cooled' water droplets and ice crystals) clouds. The ice crystals in the get pushed into the super cooled (liquid) cloud layer. When this occurs, the ice crystals grow (at the expense of the liquid droplets). Therefore, a hole opened in the deck of cirrocumulus. Cool huh?

I got my information on what Hole Punch clouds are from:
http://www.floridatoday.com/news/columnists/larimer/111200larimer.htm

2003-12-11T15:56:00.000-06:00

House issues

One of the biggest challenges I face in owning a house is the ever-persistant question of where to put stuff. I think I have a lot of stuff and not so much space, 990 square feet to be exact. The most challenging room for me has been the office. Since I am leaving my job at the end of next week to pursue novel writing and part time technical writing, I really want to have the office ready. I need it to be a nice space for me to work. Unfortunately, it is not, given that it might be better suited to a dark room or an oversized closet.

When we moved into the house, we realized that the previous owner had used the second closet in the office for a desk space. She had placed a large board across supports made of 2x4s in the closet. She could then close the doors on her computer and general office clutter. I figured I could use the same idea for my desk space, but it really feels like I am working in a closet. Not only is it dark and cramped, but there are no drawers to put my stuff. So, pens, pencils, sharpies, and paper all spread their wings across my desk. To even use my computer, I must dig up the mouse. After running out of desk space there, I pulled up another desk and placed it at a right angle to this closet desk. I still did not have enough space to put things like my printer, so I built a desk hutch for the secondary desk. As it turns out, I have more surface area for my printer, but I've enhanced a feature I can't stand. Now my desk area seems even more like a closet!

I was feeling pretty frustrated about the whole mess, and I vented over the phone to my friend about the horrors of this office. Well, horrors might be an exaggeration; it is only an office. Craig overheard my conversation, and so we sat down and discussed this messy room and how to fix it. We decided that the most important thing is to get me out of the closet and into a nice real desk. I insisted that it have drawers. We are then going to use the closet for storage of my crafty projects. Lately, I've been really into scrapbooking and stamping, but my project containers just sit in the livingroom now. Not exactly attractive! The office is tiny (10x10) and has 4 bookshelves in it, so we are going to move those into a different room. Mostly, we read in the bedroom, so I think we'll put the bookshelves in there. I'm really excited to get a new desk!

2003-12-11T14:39:00.000-06:00

Gloves

Well, now the temp. is in the teens with lots of wind. Welcome to winter, I guess. I'm so glad that I finally bought gloves last night! After scraping my car bare-handed I decided it was about time that I got some damn gloves already. See, my dog-in-law ate my gloves last winter, and I didn't buy new ones. Oops. So, I drove over to WestGate and visited the Craft Market, but I told myself that I could not leave until I went to TJ Maxx and bought some gloves. I found out something disconcerting: I've got big hands, really big hands. So, none of the lady gloves fit me. The only ones that did were Isotoners, but come on, those are for robberies, not for scraping snow off my car! I gave up and went over to the men's section. I like being married cause I can pretend like I"m shopping for Craig when I'm just shopping for me. I found a really nice pair of black leather gloves that are completely lined in rabbit fur. They are so warm! It was freezing cold (teens again) last night, so I tested my gloves out by going out the wrong door of the mall and walking to my car. The gloves worked great. My nose was really cold when I got to my car, though! My fur and leather gloves are a men's medium, which makes sense because relative to men, my hands are not huge. You know, fur is really quite warm. :) And very soft too.

2003-09-16T12:12:00.000-05:00

SSX Tricky

When I had to have surgery, my mom sent me a Circuit City gift card so that I could get some video games to play during my recovery. So, I bought SSX Tricky, which is really quite fun. It's a lot like Tony Hawk 3, except that it's faster and harder to do board slides, but board slides are still possible, just harder.

Despite being mostly through my recovery, I'm still playing SSX. I play as the Canadian chick, Elise, and she is so rude and sassy. I love her! And because she is enemies with Marisol, I get to knock down Marisol a lot, not that it doesn't keep me from knocking down other characters. You get a hell of a boost from knock downs!

Last night, I got home after a crappy day, and Craig suggested that I play video games to cool off. I ended up playing SSX for ~2 hours, and I beat 2 levels in that time. Pretty awesome! When I was done, my thumbs were numb, but I have to ask this, what the hell were the level designers thinking when they came up with some of the later levels? In one level, I have to dodge parked cars and trashed cars as I zoom through a snow-covered city. It feels more like Crazy Taxi than snowboarding!

2003-09-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

The song in my head today is Led Zeppelin's Dazed and Confused, specifically this part:
Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.
Lots of people talk and few of them know,
soul of a woman was created below.

Of course, it didn't hurt any that I was listening to Led Zeppelin on the way to work. I like the "soul of a woman was created below" part, especially given my mood today. I am so grumpy today that my soul seriously could have been created in hell. It's Monday, which yeah sure, it sucks, but I really hate my job. I get up on Monday mornings and come inches within crying. I never want to go to work on Mondays because it means another week is starting. I think today will be a day where I pretty much hide in my office and try to avoid human contact.

2003-09-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

Garbageovore -

A subtype of omnivore that eats refuse (or garbage). Some examples of garbageovores are: rats, raccoons, and opossums.

Yes, I made this word up as I was watching an opossum eat whiat appeared to be garbabe. Feel free to use it the next time a raccoon gets into your garbage can, or you see a rat hanging about in the alley.

2003-08-31T23:04:00.000-05:00

Sinus Surgery - Starting on August 28th

After trying nearly every single antibiotic on the market, I still had a sinus infection, so my doctors and I decided that sinus surgery would be my best bet. Here's the key players in my surgery:
o Dr. Cooper - she's my ENT doctor
o the anesthesiologists
o Craig - my husband
o Renee - my sister
o Nicki - my friend

Now, it looks kind of like a play, a really disgusting play. I can't say this idea is unique. This other guy blogged his sinus surgery too: http://www.claytoncramer.com/SinusSurgery.htm It looks like his was more extensive because they left my septum alone, thankfully.

I'm going to skip through all the pre-op stuff because it's all pretty routine, aside from the discovery that I have Von Wildebrand's disease. Nice genes for me, huh. I guess that's why my cats bruise my legs when they walk on me.

On Aug. 27, I went out to dinner with my sister and JD to celebrate his getting a job. He will be moving to Chicago in about 2 weeks. Yay! We were all pretty excited for him and tried to ignore my impending surgery, except that JD reminded me every once and a while by asking me if it was ok for me to eat dinner. I was pretty sure it was ok to eat anything before midnight. Kind of like the gremlins. Craig joked that he wouldn't mind more than one of me.

I only ate half my dinner and only a couple of french fries because I didn't want to see them again if I threw up the next day. I went to bed and drank some water before bed. I could eat no food after midnight and drink no water after four am. I had to be at the hospital by six fifteen. The weird thing about the hospital is that it looks the same regardless of the time of day. At 6:15, nobody acted like it was 6:15 at all. I was tired as hell, but I figured that anesthesia is kind of like sleep so I'd get some soon enough.

The nurse directed me to a changing room where I took off all my clothes except for my underpants, and I got to put on a hospital gown and robe. I kept my mocassins on because they are kind of like slippers which I am allowed to have. Keeps my feet warm.

I was directed to Room 9 where Craig would spend the better part of the day waiting for me. I pretty much sat around for a long while. I had my temperature and blood pressure taken. Blood pressure was 72 over 54. I said I was tired! Half dead is more like it that early in the morning. They pricked my finger to test my bood sugar and it bled like crazy. See, I told you so, I said to the nurse. It was 92, which is ok, especially considering I hadn't eaten since yesterday evening.

The anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself, but I don't remember his name. He looked like Pauley Shore with long gray hair. Can you imagine Pauley Shore as an anesthesiologist? I was rather scared of him, but my blood pressure didn't change too much. Being tired keeps scaredness from travelling from my brain down to my heart, I guess. I clutched onto my stuffed lion just in case though. Don't get me wrong here. I loved Jury Duty and Encino Man. As an actor or comedian, Pauley Shore does not scare me, but as a doctor... I had to keep telling myself: he's not Pauley Shore, he's not Pauley Shore, he's not Pauley Shore...

He explained to me the importance of putting needles in my hands, and thus began the great hand poking escapade. My left hand is still bruised. Well, not only do I have a bleeding disorder, but my veins are very, very shy. They see a needle, and jump out of the way. They bury way deep down under my skin. My hands aren't like some people's hands where you can see the veins. Actually, you can't see any veins in my hands at all. I can see my finger bones ok and the little hand bones ok too, but there are no veins to be seen. This proved to be a problem, and it took a long time.

The proceedure went something like this:
1. tie rubber band around my arm
2. hang arm down for a while until a vein shows
3. hit hand 3-4 times
4. give "bee sting" which is some sort of local numbing agent
5. poke in needle
6. twist needle around trying to drive it into the vein
7. start all over

Another anesthesiologist came in to help. I got a total of 5 pokes in my left hand. 4 in my right hand. 1 in my left wrist. After trying middle of hand veins, side of hand veins, and knuckle veins, they gave up and used my left elbow vein. Finally, they were able to give me the anti-bleeding stuff and some saline solution. Then they gave me some relaxation stuff and anti-nausea stuff. After that, I don't remember much at all.

I woke up extremely scared, and I couldn't see very much. The nurses wiped the goop out of my eyes and brought Craig in. He held my hand and I fell asleep and woke up and fell asleep and woke up. I did this until about 3pm when I stayed awake more than I fell asleep. I tried to use the bathroom, but I couldn't. My bladder was full, but I couldn't go. The nurses tried to help by turning on the water, but it didn't work. I gave up. They gave me my discharge papers and told me I could go home to sleep. That's pretty much all I'm allowed to do.

My sister came over and brought me a cute little cactus and some saltine crackers because those wouldn't bother my stomach. She sat in my bedroom chair and looked for apartments with my laptop. I slept through most of this, and Craig got to take a break from taking care of me. Mostly, I slept.

I tried to get up to pee occasionally, but I'd sit on the toilet for like 10 minutes and nothing would happen. I tried drinking some water, but it made me feel icky. I finally was able to pee when I realized that if I pushed really hard on my bladder with my hands, I could squeeze out a little bit of pee. It felt a little bit better but not much. I went back to sleep.

Friday Aug 29th

The pain is not too bad. Like the worst headache you can imagine, but that's tolerable. I took the pain pills at perscribed times. I still couldn't pee when I tried. Been using that bladder pushing trick. I think I broke a nail. At least I can smell. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I haven't been able to smell since Feb, and now everything is overpowering. When my cat licked my face, I could really smell her smelly cat food breath. It was awesome!

I figured that if I drank more liquids, I could force myself to pee. Unfortunately, that plan backfired. I was laying on the couch watching a dumb movie and my stomach started doing jumping jacks. I tried to sit up so I could stand and get to the bathroom, but all I could do was sit up. I grabbed the bowl that was the remote holder and threw up. Then, I threw up some more. Then, I heaved a whole bunch and cried holding my bowl of puke. I cried so much, and it hurt so much. IThe puke looked like paper pulp. Gray with little white pieces. I think that was the sprite, water, and saltine crackers. Craig told me not to worry and took the bowl and cleaned it out. I cried and fell asleep again.

But I still couldn't pee! I was laying in bed and I spotted my drug interaction papers. Groggily, I picked them up and read them over. It looked like the pain pills were the source of my woes. Nausea, vomiting, dark urine, inability to urinate, etc. were all side effects to the acetaminophen oxycodone (brand name percocet). i called the doctor on call, and he told me it was ok to stop taking the pain pills and just take tylenol. I'd have a hell of a headache, but I would at least be able to pee and not be throwing up.

I went to bed.

Aug 30th

I woke up around 3am when the pain pills wore off. I had to pee! I scuttled to the bathroom but I didn't have my hopes too high. However, I succeeded. I peed and cheered to the cat who looked at me like I was crazy. She must not have minded too much because she still followed me to bed.

5am. Woke up again to pee. The novelty has not yet worn off!

7am. More of the same. This time I woke up Craig, who shared my enthusiasm then went off to work. The great thing about being married to a computer programmer is that he can work from home when necessary. So, he's been able to stay home and take care of me. I just fall asleep to the rhythmic clicking and clacking of his keyboard. It's soothing. Really, it is. Mostly, I'm just so glad to have him home with me.

I ate more crackers and drank more water. The headache was something to behold. Like nothing I've ever experienced before, even from my worst of sinus infections.

Nicki sent me some beautiful orange crysanthamums, and Judi (my mother-in-law) sent me a boquet. My mom sent me a Circuit City gift card so I could play video games during my recovery. She sent it before my surgery so that I could get some video games while I was still lucid.

Nicki came over and talked to me. I sat up in bed and she talked to me for a long while. It was really nice to have a visitor. I guess that's how you can tell a true friend. Very few people are willing to visit a sick friend, and I really appreciated the company, even if I wasn't much, myself.

She and Craig ordered a pizza, but I had to go outside to get away from the smell. I was pretty nauseous. The cats didn't mind a chance to be out on the patio for a bit. They like fresh air.

2003-06-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

Hmm, I like the new Blogger interface so far. Hopefully, they fixed that silly archiving bug. See, that's why I don't have an archive and just publish everything on the front page. For some reason, archiving does not work with my blog.

Anyway, on to what I was going to say. I have truly fucked up nightmares. No, I'm not talking about the falling off the bridge dream of the naked in high school dream. Ok to clarify, I must be mighty creative because all my dreams are in color and they are so realistic that for while I am dreaming it feels like I am right there and it's happening to me. Pretty great VR. Which would be great if they were GOOD dreams, but they very rarely ever are.

For instance last night, I dreamt about being a twin and having the sudden feeling that my twin brother was dead. In my dream, I called 911 and the police didnt' believe me because I could not find a corpse. So, I joined up my friend and roommate and we searched and searched. Then, my friend is leaning on my twin's closet door and pushes aside the clothing on the bottom rack. We find that my twin hanged himself from the lowest bar with a brown, leather, pants belt. It was the brown leather belt that everybody's dad wore during the early 1980's. If you were really bad, you might have been spanked with this belt. And my twin brother hung himself with it.

It goes on and on from there like a true story. And it's actually a continuation of a previous dream I've had about this same twin couple. It was rather interesting stuff: gender switching, masturbation, incest, etc.

The next day after these dreams is always so hard though because I feel on the verge of tears all day long because:

a. I'm tired as hell
b. I wonder what the fsck I am doing technical writing when I could make my dreams into books.
c. I wonder about b many times
d. I wonder more about b and sigh

I have so many dreams like this, and I know they would make for good books because I am never ME in the dreams. I am somebody else but seeing the world and experiencing stuff and feeling stuff from this person's perspective. Last night, I was an 18-year old blonde twin who was perky and popular but strangely withdrawn.

That's not me at all! I'm 25, brunett, not perky, and not really popular. And when people talk to me, which I really wish they'd do more, I tend to be a big extrovert!

Hmm, I suppose I should get on with editing a boring document and then go to my sister's to help her make apple pie. I'll be lucky if I get a chance to write tonight at all. I wonder if this is a sin of some sort... Seriously, why in the heck would I get these sort of dreams if I was not meant to do something with them. This tends to trouble me a lot.

2003-06-22T19:15:00.000-05:00

Let me start this out by stating that I am a Metallica fan. While I am not as big a fan as some, I do own every album and I have been to two concerts. One of these concerts on Feb. 14, 1997, stands out as one of the best experiences of my life. We had third row seats, and it was awesome. While I like Metallica, I am a picky fan. I loved the Black Album. I love the polish that makes it so smooth. I even liked Load, Re-Load, and Garage Inc. S&M tried my patience a bit. Some things are not meant to be combined, like pickles and ice cream, and symphony and Metallica. But as a fan, I listened to it some and then stashed it away somewhere where I could forget about that atrocity.

But then my senses were even more trashed when I bought the new St. Anger album yesterday. I was so excited that there was a new album! All I'd heard off it was the title track which I thought to be mediocre, but I figured, it's a Metallica album... it's got to be good. Boy was I ever wrong! I have never heard a worse album in my life. Once when I was in high school, this local garage (aka crappy) band convinced me to buy an album. They'd self-published it and were so proud, so I forked over my ten dollars, and I hated this album. Eventually, it sat under my pencil holder to prop it up another half-centimeter. When I went to college, I threw it away. St. Anger was worse!

St. Anger is not even worthy of a place under a pencil holder. I wanted to stick it in a box and mail it back to Metallica telling them they could keep this piece of shit. I thought better of it and sold it immediately to the Frugal Muse. Sadly, I felt guilty even doing that, but I did warn the guy that I thought it was the worst thing I've ever heard. Maybe some cash-strapped fan will buy it and love it. I don't know. It sounds like they threw the music together in ten minutes. And what is the deal with James's voice? It sounds like he had larnagytis (can't spell) or maybe his throat got run over by a semi truck. It was terrible. And if that was not bad enough, the lyrics were so bad they were insulting. It's like they bought a rhyming dictionary and rhymed every third word. I've heard better music out of cats in heat!

No wonder Lars didn't want Napster out there sharing songs of theirs! If anybody heard this garbage, ahead of time, they would never buy this album!

Speaking of Napster, though, I just watched the Italian Job yesterday. It was a great action flick. Kind of a commercial for the Mini Cooper, but it was great, nevertheless. The character played by Seth Green insists that it was he who programmed Napster and that Sean Fanning was his roommate who stole his idea. There was a flashback sequence showing Seth Green sleeping on a computer and Sean Fanning taking a floppy disk out of the computer, and in the background, there is a big Metallica picture. What great irony! I laughed so hard when I saw that.

2003-06-17T09:42:00.000-05:00

Every once and a while, I see something that really disturbs me. That was the case last night when I got my mail, and the Lane Bryant catalog was in there. I took the catalog upstairs with me and leafed through it. The first thing to catch my attention was this: there was not a single fat person in the catalog. I frowned at it and proceeded to flip through the entire catalog. I was right: no fat people. This disturbs me because Lane Bryant makes clothing for women size 14w and up. So, it would stand to reason that the models in their catalog would be size 14w and up. But they weren't! The worst offender was on p. 39 in the underwear section. The woman modeling the panties with the built in waist cincher had 4 visable ribs above these cinching panties! I'm sure there were more visable ribs, but the picture was cropped at 4. Now, I know she for sure was not a size 14! The clothing didn't even look right, it looked downright strange, on these thin women. They looked like clothes hangers wearing shirts that were way to big. Shirts that had ample room to cover ample bellies, but these women did not even have the slightest paunch.

The makers of this catalog could have used any number of plus-sized models, and yet they chose to stick with the skinny models. Aside from the inherent offensiveness of such an action, it was really quite comical. Do you remember being a little girl and prancing around in your mom's clothing with too big high heel shoes? Yeah well, that's what it looked like! After I swallowed how appalled I felt, I picked up the phone and called Lane Bryant. I told them that their latest catalog did not feature a single plus sized woman. And that all inherent offensiveness aside, how in the world could I judge how something would look on me if it was modeled by a skinny person. The woman on the other end of the phone said she'd pass my comment along and that she shared my viewpoint. I hope that she does pass it along, and I hope that the next catalog has at least one fat person in it. But I'm not holding my breath.

2003-05-29T11:26:00.000-05:00

Google

If I search Google hard enough, will I track down what's in my mind?
There's a lot in there like the Internet, but it's in my mind.
It's not there on the Internet.

Things remembered
Things forgotten
Little bits and pieces and fragments
But I can't track them down.
Maybe I should write them down.
Track those fragments bit by bit.

Sometimes I hope that when I search Google,
I will find my Story Dreams right there in Google
and I can copy and past those dreams back into my memory
before I don't write them and I forget
Totally gone from my memory.

Things remembered
Things forgotten
Little bits and pieces and fragments
But I can't track them down.
Maybe I should write them down.
Track those fragments bit by bit.

I need a search engine for my brain
a search engine for my brain
I need a search engine
so I don't forget
so I can tie together my little bits and pieces and fragments.
I need Google in my brain.

2003-05-21T11:42:00.000-05:00

I watched Changing Lanes last night on DVD. It stars Ben Affleck and Samuel L. Jackson, who is his usual bad-ass character. I loved it when he beat the mean guys from the bar with a pay phone. That was just too cool! The movie got me to thinking though as I watched Ben Affleck's character sliding very quickly down the slippery slope of morality. I would hate to have that level of moral responsibility as he did and ignored. In some ways, as a writer, I am very fortunate that I do not have very many moral responsibilities or need to have too many ethics. As long as I follow my NDA and non-compete agreements and don't horribly slander anybody, I am observing all the necessary ethics. I sure never have to worry about powers of attorney in my job, and I'm glad for that!

When the wife in the movie says that she could have married anybody, she used the example of a professor of Middle English who does not have to face these sorts of questions, but at the same time, that professor does not have the same level of social status and the trappings that go with social status. In some ways, I am like that example professor, and I am very happy about it. A couple of my friends, however, will walk the moral slippery slope in law. For instance, do you defend a murderer who you think is guilty? Do you help somebody through bankrupcy proceedings when they are just using bankrupcy to avoid their responsibilities, ala WorldCom?

While I can discuss these things and my political beliefs at great lengths, I take comfort in the fact that it doesn't really matter. What I say may irritate somebody, and they can close the web page or close the book. Fortunately, what I believe and say does not affect many people like the beliefs and statements of your favorite politician. I find it funny when my pre-law friends try to argue to change my opinion on something because they don't seem to understand that in the life that I choose, it doesn't really matter. I take great comfort in that! And that's one of the many reasons that I am happy to be a writer (by the way, I am not a political pundit).

The other great thing is that I get to spend all day fingering! That's what it says in my physical job requirements. Hee hee. Keying is probably a better word, but it's not nearly so funny.

2003-05-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

I saw the Matrix Reloaded yesterday. My friends, Matt and Chris, went to the theatre in the morning and bought tickets for all of us. The show was sold out, but we got there early enough to get seats together. I both loved and hated the new Matrix. I loved the great special effects! The truck crash scene was the best! And I think it is just too cool to see metal ripple like it is water. There were some great explosions too! But I HATED, absolutely, HATED the ending. It was unsatisfying and made me utter WTF over and over for the next hour. Seriously, November is too long to wait to see how it ends, if it ends then... No, it will probably only end when Keanu Reeves is 74 and waving a cane around to beat down the Smith villians.

2003-05-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, I tried to see X2. I even got through about half of it, up until that guy is blowing fire all over the place. Then, guess what happens to interrupt my X2 watching? A tornado. Yes, a tornado. At first, I thought it was some sort of sick joke, and then I realized that it was the theatre management annoucing to us that we had to leave the theatre. So, we all left the theatre, and we could either go home or stay put. I figured our best bet was to stay put, so we waited around in the lobby until the city of Madison blew off the sirens.

Everybody filed into the bathrooms or crowded into the hallways. Craig, JD, and I were curious, so we didn't go to the bathroom right away. By the time we did head towards the bathrooms, the ladies room was full so I went into the mens room with Craig and JD. We stood by the sinks and waited for the sirens to go away. I figured that since there was a tornado, nobody was going to care that I was the wrong gender to be in the mens room.

Although I stay calm on the exterior during tornadoes, there is just something about tornadoes that really make me have to pee. Maybe it's the shifts in atmospheric pressure, but it feels worse than drinking a theatre-size-large Sprite and watching Titanic! Yes, I actually did that once... But I couldn't use the bathroom because it was the men's room. I could just stand by the sink and wait it out. That was really rather frustrating!

Fortunately, although there were funnel clouds spotted, no tornadoes touched down in Madison. A few touched down in rural areas, but they did little to no damage.

I was glad that the theatre management gave us vouchers to see the movie again, but now, I really want to know how it ends!

2003-05-06T09:51:00.000-05:00

I'm so happy!!! Yesterday night I came home to a full, no overflowing, mailbox. And ther ewere no bills! I finally got my E-Type CDs in the mail. E-Type is an awesome band with lead vocals by Martin (E-Type) Eriksson. I've loved their music since I first heard it on MP3 back in '98. Hear that, you MP3-haters?

Since then, I've looked all over the place for their albums. The only problem: these albums are not sold in the United States, where I live. In '99 when my roommate went to Japan, she picked me up a copy of Last Man Standing. Then, when my sister visited Germany, she got me a copy of The Explorer. Then the fateful day came when I took my car to the car wash. I left my CDs in the car, and the car wash guys stole my whole CD case. I could replace all my other CDs, but I couldn't replace my E-Type CDs. I was so mad!

So, I started my search again. International commerce via the Internet has improved a lot since the 1990's, so I found a link off Stockholm Records where I could buy the albums. So, I ordered all 4 E-Type albums (there are some singles that I didn't order) and waited. I'd almost given up on ever seeing my CDs until I opened my mailbox yesterday and saw a big package from Sweeden. Yay!

As the old saying goes, though, "once bitten, twice shy," or is that a GNR song? Well, anyway, I immediately made copies of my CDs, and I am going to lock the 4 originals in my safe deposit box. I no longer drive with original CDs in my car, only burns.

2003-05-01T09:57:00.000-05:00

Today is the first of the month which is both awesome and totally sucks at the exact same time. Totally awesome because I got paid, and I can feed my amazon.com addiction. And totally sucks cause I have to pay lots of bills. Grr to bills.

Last night, we had an awesome thunderstorm. It was a real banger - tons of lightning and tons of thunder. It scared the hell out of the cats, but it was so catharthic (sp?). I am a true believer in catharsis (purging of emotional tensions, for those who don't know). This idea of catharsis goes way back to Aristotle who thought that plays had a catharthic effect on their audience. When you cry when you watch a tragedy, are you crying for the tragic hero, or are you crying for your life? Or are you simply crying for everything? I don't know, but it feels better afterwards. The same goes for thunderstorms. The weather is taking care of all that banging and violence and noise for you. You feel the effects and watch it and through that, get it all out without touching anything. Pretty cool.

This idea of vicarious catharsis really puts an author in an awesomly powerful position akin to the frontal system that causes the thunderstorm. As an author, you get to control people's emotions and relieve them of stresses and tensions. I wonder if that's not why trashy romances are so popluar: they release sexual tension. Writers can scare the hell out of you, bring you to tears, or bring you to orgasm just through the power of words. No wonder the pen is mightier than the sword!

2003-04-25T15:18:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was out with my friends, and one of my friends is convinced that she has SARS because she has an upper respiratory infection. Of course she doesn't, but this whole SARS epidemic reminds me a lot of The Stand by Stephen King. Interestingly enough, the disease that wipes out the world in The Stand is an upper respiratory infection much like SARS. I wonder if Captain Tripps was a bit of real-life foreshadowing... Either that, or it was based some on past epidemics. The Bubonic Plague also had some upper respiratory components such as pneumonia.

Aside from being a great story, The Stand has influenced my life a lot. It was the first horror fiction book I ever read. It was the first Stephen King book I ever read. And it was the first book that inspired me to be a writer. All that in one little (ok, not so little book)! I've read it about three times now. The last time I read it, it only took me a few hours. I read The Stand by complete accident when I was 12.

I was home sick with the Chicken Pox. My mom and dad were both at work, and my sister was at school, leaving me in the house alone. I was really bored and going through puberty, so I was quite interested in sex and what the whole thing was all about, so I wanted to read a Romance Novel, one of the really trashy ones. I knew my mom had some and that they were big, thick, softcover books. I went into her bedroom and looked on her headboard. Where else would you keep trashy romance novels? And I saw this big, thick, blue, softcover book called The Stand. Hey, that sounded kind of phallic to me, so I picked it up and started reading. The gas station scene scared the pants off me, but I was hooked!

I loved that book! It sure wasn't a trashy romance, but it was great. I'd never read anything like it. Up until that point, I'd read a lot of Babysitter's Club books and Sweetwater High books, like a good 12 year old girl should be doing. But this was so much better! So much more exciting! I then had to read every book he'd written, which trust me, took a LONG TIME, especially given that he's written so many books. One of the coolest things about Stephen King, aside from his gripping writing style was that he wrote about writing. And the more I read that he wrote about writing, the more I wanted to be a writer. It was in me.

Although I'd won a short story contest when I was 12, and everybody loved my story, I didn't ever think that I could write. I was terrible at essays in Middle School. My clinchers were so bad, and my transitions were worse! I hated writing, except I did it all the time. I hid stories under my bed, in my mattress, in my pillowcase, and on mis-labled computer disks. I wrote poems too, from haikus, to dirty limericks, to sonnets. When I had time to think, which given that I worked as a lifeguard in high school and I swam as a sport, I had a lot of time to think, I wrote poems in my head. They were so "maudlin" as my mom put it. She hated maudlin stuff and yelled at me for pointing out graveyards. But I ignored her and kept at it. I'd write and then burn it, or I'd write and then hide it. Actually, the more I wrote like this, the better my essays got.

When I felt bad, I read Danse Macabre again and again. I eventually wore it out. ;) But it encouraged me to keep on writing, so I secretly harbored a dream of writing. I dreamed of one day driving to Maine, enrolling in a class that King taught and having him personally encourage me to keep writing. I never drove to Maine, but it was a secret dream. Those are really bad at coming to fruition.

However I was terrified to tell people that I wanted to write. I wrote what I considered to be a pretty good novel about vampires, and I showed it to a friend of mine who read about 2 pages and fell on the floor laughing because my spelling was so atrocious. I took the story back and cried. I spilled Pepsi all over my copy (I'll never forget the smell of ink, loose leaf paper, sweat, and Pepsi combined into a broken dream) so that my other friend who had the photocopied version of my book would be forced to give it back to me before he could read it. I was so ashamed. I still have the book in holographic form in my filing cabinet. Of course, I've never done anything with it.

Although I did finally come out to myself and the world, kind of like a gay person comes out to their friends, family, and world, I am still not living my dream. I did change majors finally from Biology to English and studied English Literature, which I loved. I never loved going to classes before that! But ever the practical one, I got a certificate in Technical Communications so that I could be a Technical Writer. I figure I can't be too bad of a writer, given that I do it professionally, but I still have so many doubts.

I'm writing a book right now that I won't tell people about because I am scared. I have written eleven chapters. I plan to write it about 4 times until I get it right. A little something the Technical Writing world has taught me. Your first draft always sucks. And when I am done, probably in about a year, this one is going to the publishers.

2003-04-23T09:47:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I considered getting a ferret. They're cute, playful, and overall friendly. I thought a ferret would be a great compliment to my home. So, I bought a couple of books and a magazine on ferrets and started reading up. Sure they look like a lot of work, but so far, it didnt' seem to be anything I could not handle. I told Craig that I really needed to see one up close and personal before I decided if I really did want a ferret. Seeing things in real life is always helpful.

So, we drove out to Animart, a petstore on the East Side that I know has ferrets. I got there a little after eight, and they were closed. So, we went over to Petsmart to look at fish for a bit before going home. I got to see what zebra danios look like which is good because I have a coupon for 5 free zebra danios at my local fish store. But I wasn't quite giving up on this ferret thing. I drove back to the East Side again yesterday, this time a bit earlier. I took Nicki and Renee along with me. Nicki wanted to get a toy for her puppy Chips, and Renee just wanted to come along. So, another 20 minute drive.

We got there, and I took a look at the ferret. I washed my hands and asked the salesperson if I could please hold him. She opened the cage and let me hold the ferret. He was cute and squirmy and very friendly just like I thought! He was teething up a storm so he chewed on my fingers and hands and generally squiggled about. After I put him back in the cage, I went over to the cat section and watched my sister play some with a ginger female cat who lives in the store. Then, I was going to get some cat food for my cats.

But my hands started to burn and itch. I went back into the bathroom to wash them but they were still kind of itchy. I got my cat food and looked at the fish and pointed out the difference between goldfish and koi to Nicki. It's one of my little facts that I like to tell everybody until the fact is exhausted. Koi have whiskers, and goldfish do not. Afterwards, we all went to dinner and I scratched my hands under the table because they were still itching. I reached for a chip, and Renee saw my hands and exclaimed that they were covered in hives. She says that's an allergic reaction, and that I must be allergic to ferrets. He was chewing on my hand and covering them in spit, afterall.

After dinner, I went home, covered my hands in hydrocortizone and told Craig the bad news: we can't get a ferret because I am allergic to them. I think I might go get those zebra danios instead.

2003-04-22T17:22:00.000-05:00

Here's a new poem in early form about memory...

Mental Floss

Mental floss
Dental floss
that's all there is - a way to put your thoughts to a toss

Mental floss
Dental floss
Do my thoughts even matter?

Mental floss
Dental floss
We floss, floss, floss and flush

Away away away disturbing thoughts
Away away away depressing thoughts
Don't want them lurking around
Away away away insane thoughts
Don't want those either

We must be sane, must be sane, must be sane
So we go
Mental Floss
Dental floss
We floss, floss, floss and flush

Bad memories plague my dreams
Send tingles down my hands in the day
But out you go!
Flushed down the toilet in torrents of diahrea

Bad thoughts intrude on my day
And send quivers down my spine
But I want them to go
They are meaningless!
Mental Floss
Dental Floss

Mental floss
Dental floss
That's all there is - a way to put your thoughts to a toss

2003-04-21T17:56:00.000-05:00

Check out Peeps on Fire!.

2003-04-21T17:10:00.000-05:00

So, West Hollywood banned cat declawing. I have never really understood declawing cats. I figure if you don't want to risk getting scratched or having your furniture scratched, don't get a cat. I have 2 cats, and I never even think about their claws, except when I have my sister trim them. Besides, declawing just seems so cruel. Can you imagine having the ends of your fingers cut off? That thought makes my fingers twinge in terror. If a declawed cat gets out, he is going to be unable to hunt to feed himself or able to fend himself off from attacks from other animals.

One hot summer night, Craig went out to his car to get his briefcase, and he told me that there was a cat hanging out in the parking lot. I took a look outside and saw this most pitiful and miserable-looking wretch. I ran into the kitchen and filled a bowl with cat food and took it outside. I set it by the big tree. The cat ran in terror, but I carried some crunchies over to him and put them on the ground by him. He looked suspiciously at me but ate the crunchies. I petted his matted, gray with filth fur and carried him over to the food bowl. He ate the food so quickly and purred so loudly! I left and got him some water. I left the patio door open and my cat, Spencer, let him in to rest and be safe. So, I watered him right there in my living room. Eventually, the skinny wretch got scared and went back outside, and I went to bed.

The next night, I called my sister because I remembered that she wanted a cat. I told her about this miserable stray and told her that she could come over. If he came back, which he was likely to because I left out more food, she could take him home if she wanted to. We waited around for about 3 hours. Just as we were about to give up, sure enough, he came back. We fed him, and she took pity on the poor fellow and took him home. She cleaned him up, fed him, and took him to the vet. Every day, for about 2 months, I looked for postings about a missing beige cat, but I didn't find any. We figured that since I lived across the street from a campground and right on the edge of the village and the countryside, that somebody probably abandonned this cat.

The cruelest thing of it though is that had we not found him, he might have starved to death. He was declawed and could not hunt to feed himself. Now, he's a happy, healthy, and well-fed pet of my sister's. This is the story of Pharaoh.

2003-04-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

I was pretty happy today. My company closed the office early today so we could get an early start to a holiday weekend. I didn't make the best use of my time though because when I came home, I took a nap. At least the cats joined me... Who better to take a cat nap with than a cat? After that, I went to a Passover Sader. My friend, Nicki, is Jewish and wanted to share the holiday with her friends. It was a very nice dinner.

One interesting thing was the brandy for Elijah. Apparently, he's a ghost who visits Passover Saders and requires his own place setting with a glass of brandy or wine or something. We opened the door for him to come in. Nicki assured me that Elijah is a friendly ghost so I wasn't scared. But it was definatley something that I did not expect, and had she not told me, I may not have even noticed the extra place setting.

2003-04-18T10:54:00.000-05:00

I read an interesting book last night: The Art of Indexing (ISBN 0-471-01449-4). It's about creating a good index in a book. Mostly, I have always taken indecies for granted, but now that I have to start creating them in the books I write, I have to think about what makes a good index. One of the keys is 5-10 indexed words/phrases per page. It also says that it's a good idea to index the book before your first review. That way, people can actually test it out and use it. Well, let's see if this helps me create my next index...

2003-04-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

After reading the bad things list on cockeyed.com, I started thinking about the things in my life that really irritate the heck out of me. Things that make me want to jump up and down like Yosemite Sam and yell, "rassafrattin," or whatever it is that he says. So, here they are in full stream-of-consciousness order:

1. Radio commercials. TV commercials are ok because it gives me a chance to get a snack or run to the bathroom, but with a radio commercial, you are trapped in the car with no where to go but another channel which may have a commercial on it too.
2. CDs that skip. Weren't they supposed to be darn near indestructable?
3. Downloading a new MP3 only to discover that it's a lousy or partial rip.
4. Being asked, "What's Unix?" when I try to explain my job.
5. Cold toilet seats.
6. No TP.
7. Somebody yakking in a nearby stall. EWW!
8. Getting off the Beltline onto Whitney coming from the West. If you live in Madison, it's by the mini-golf place.
9. Forgetting which side of the car my gas cap is on.
10. Having to try ~10 times to get my car into reverse (I drive a 5-speed).
11. Driving with my dad.
12. Seeing/smelling the algae on Lake Mendota.
13. Algae in my fish tank!
14. Sick pet fish.
15. Diet banner ads like Zone, eDiets, etc.
16. People trying to get me to join Weight Watchers. My four cents, "Mind your own business!"
17. People complaining about being fat, whether or not they are.
18. Poor self esteem. Maybe it's because I used to have poor self esteem, but I can't stand to see it in others, especially when they use it as a tool to fish for complements. Go eat some Gummy Worms and leave me alone.
19. People who can't seem to understand that what's inside is what's most important, not clothing, weight, or money.
20. Being so bored that it's painful.
21. When my Internet connection goes down.
22. When my cat eats the plants.
23. Asiago cheese, especially when I'm not expecting it.
24. Red food coloring. I'm allergic to it, and it's in so many things that it really should not be. And a big GRR to all those who think it's necessary to put it in sweet and sour sauce!
25. Traffic jams.
26. Getting stuck in a traffic jam and realizing that the gas tank is almost empty.
27. Getting laughed at for having to pee.
28. People who don't tip. I'm not a waitress, but that really gets my ire because the waitstaff in restaurants work so hard.
29. Splitting the bill with people who don't put in their fair share.
30. When people who are not my accountant or the IRS try to tell me how to pay my taxes.
31. Renting a video only to realize halfway through that it sucks, but you still want to know how it ends.
32. When my cat gets a hairball.
33. Having to bathe my black cat. He hates baths. My brown cat likes water so much that I have to be careful that she can't get into the bathroom when I am taking a bath or she hops into the tub with me.
34. Getting covered with wet cat fur. That stuff is so sticky that they should make an adhesive out of it! I'd gladly sell my full vacuume cleaner bags to a glue company.
35. The word "vacuume." Why does it need two U's?!
36. Off-by-one errors when I am typing. Suddenly qwerty becomes wertyu. It's worse when I do a whole paragraph this way and don't notice right away.
37. No public bathrooms on State Street. See my 4-2-03 post.
38. Religion. The outspoken religious right, outspoken athiests, and outspoken pagans all irritate the heck out of me. You believe what you do; I believe what I do. Please just leave me alone. Let's try to remember the old saying: religion and politics are two things not to be discussed in polite conversation.
39. 404 web page errors.
40. Page not found web page errors.
41. DNS errors.
42. Getting sick.
43. Having conversations/discussions with people who think that they only way to converse is to try to change my opinion about something. That really bugs me because I should be allowed to have my opinions.

Ok, that's enough. I'm sure there's more stuff that irritates me, but this list is long enough. ;)

2003-04-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

My boss just bought a new car, a Honda Element. I've never been a big fan of SUV-type cars, but this one is so cute! It's got all sorts of nifty features like the doors open wide so you can put in a bike or strap your kid in the back. And it's completely stain-proof and wipeable on the interior. He gave me and some co-workers a ride in it when we went to get coffee last week, and it was pretty darned cool. And it gets ~26 mpg, which is better than you'd think.

Would I own one? No, probably not... I really do prefer small cars. They are much more comfortable for me. I own a black, 4-door, Honda Civic, and I love it. My previous cars were a 2-door Honda Civic and a 2-door Ford Escort. See a pattern? I've had my share of big cars, and most of the time it's just me driving it. My dad owned a huge full-sized Ford van that I was allowed to drive once I got my driver's license. Yes, a full-sized van! Do you have any idea how hard it is to drive a full-sized van? Let alone park it... I hit far too many things in that van. And then there was the matter of the power steering. See, it leaked power steering fluid, meaning that I had to carry a jug of the stuff to refill the tank. When it was out of fluid, I practically had to stand on the steering wheel to turn it. After driving that monstrosity, I decided I'd own a compact car.

2003-04-14T11:52:00.000-05:00

Gak! This Userfriendly strip reminds me of the coffee I make. I cannot make coffee! I am coffee-inept. I am so bad at making coffee that I had "the runs" for 2 straight months until it dawned on me that it was the swill or brewed potting soil that I was making. Once I realized it, I decided to quit single-rumpedly financing the toilet paper industry and reverted to Earl Gray tea (my favorite kind) and Diet Pepsi. My body and the Madison Metropolitan Sewerage District are thankful.

2003-04-14T11:40:00.000-05:00

This weekend, I took my tuxedo cat, Doc, to the Titletown Cat Show in Green Bay. A tuxedo cat is a black cat with a white belly, feet, and chest. When you hold one up, he'll look like he's wearing a tuxedo. It's not a special breed and occurs naturally in the cat population just like tabbies do. A tuxedo cat has both the black fur color gene and a spotting gene.

While Doc sure is cute, my favorite aspect of him is his winning personality. He loves people and loves to purr. He's intensely curious and uses every opportunity to get petted. If the cable guy comes over, that's just another person for Doc to love. Well, and Doc like to climb inside of tool bags and boxes. He thinks like a small cat and will hop right into somebody's arms or onto their lap for some petting. However, he does not realize that he weighs fifteen pounds, and that it's rather hard to hold him at times. Given this uber-friendly personality, I was sure that he would win on personality alone. However, I did not count on the fact that Doc would not enjoy a cat show.

But as it turns out, Doc didn't much like it. I heard him hiss for the first time in his life at one of the judges. He hissed and growled and howled every time he was judged. Fortunately, he's a very handsome cat, so he won first place in 3 out of the 4 rings he competed in. There wasn't much competition though. His competitor was an eleven month old cat named Pajama Man (PJ for short). PJ was a purebred sphynx, but he had a little mutation: he had fur. Sphynxes tend to look like Mr. Bigglesworth from Austin Powers. Since PJ had fur, he could not compete as a purebred. Therefore, he competed against Doc in the Household Pet category.

Despite his grumpiness, the judges loved Doc. They loved his healthy, fluffy, shiney coat. They loved his bright green eyes and straight white whiskers. And they even loved his heft. Here is what the judges said about him:
Judge in Ring 4: "Well, he certainly knows where the refrigerator is!"
Judge in Ring 3: "What a chunk!"
Judge in Ring 2: "I'd offer you a piece of candy, but you sure as hell don't need one!"
Like I mentioned before, he's a fifteen pound cat. I don't think he's too chubby, but I really like big fat cats.

So, Doc won on looks alone. In the last ring, he was so miserable that he didn't want to cooperate one bit, so he won a second place. After that, I packed him and his stuff up and left. He was so miserable that I could not bear to compete him for the second day. It's not like he's a purebred, so I don't have any investment in him, except for love. The entire time we were there, Doc didn't eat, drink, or use his litter box. And he certainly didn't purr! I felt so bad for the little guy. We drove home Saturday night and got back at around 12:30 in the morning.

He was very happy to get home. I'm not going to compete him again. While it's great that he won 3 first place ribbons, it's not worth the misery he felt.

2003-04-11T14:27:00.000-05:00

OK, I admit it, I have an immature sense of humor, including butt humor. I ROTFLMAO (in case you were wondering, that means Rolling on the floor laughing my a$$ off) whenever I see butt jokes and butt humor. And sometimes, I even end up the butt of jokes, but I don't always laugh then. But when I saw this online, I couldn't help but crack a snicker. It's an excerpt from "The Day my Butt Went Psycho."

That reminds me a bit of the PVP Phantom Mooner strips.

2003-04-08T16:57:00.000-05:00

It's funny how life imitates art sometimes. I read this article on Forbes.com today, and it reminded me so much of the movie Mickey Blue Eyes where the Mafia uses art as a means to launder money. That's one of my favorite comedies. Craig and I nicknamed this movie "the Pepsi-eyes movie" because I laughed so hard in one part that Pepsi literally came out my eyes. I'm not sure exactly how that happened, but I think it was going to go out my nose but somehow got all mixed up in my sinuses. That really hurt! If you are wondering, this happened during the scene where Hugh Grant's character is in the restaurant trying to order a rare steak in a fake Italian accent.

2003-04-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

I saw this site linked off Memepool today. It makes me wonder what sort of a world do we live in where people would even consider making filtered neckties and scarves? The idea is that in a situation where you are in danger from particulate matter, such as Anthrax, you can cover your mouth and nose with your tie and breathe your way to safety. The whole idea is sick for 2 reasons.

1. These FBS people are totally capitalizing on people's fears.
2. The fact that we even fear a particulate attack.

Well, I use "we" loosely because of all the things I worry about, particulate attacks just is not one of them. Sure it could happen, and sure I could win the lottery. But I'm not going to let these remote possibilities affect my life. And, of course, the other possibility is that the site is a joke.

2003-04-07T22:29:00.000-05:00

I got my new couch delivered today. It's so comfy! Well, it's not really a couch; it's a futon. I just love futons because they are so easy to relax on. My old futon was one of those inexpensive black tubular framed ones with a thin cushion. I've slowly upgraded it by getting a nice southwestern-esque cover and bolsters. Then I got a new and very thick futon mattress. Now, I've got a new frame. It's even wood! I sat down on my couch, and I didn't want to move. I just wanted to lay there with my laptop and work on my book all night long. Too bad I had other stuff to do like getting dinner and whatnot. Tomorrow (hopefully), I'm going to get a wireless network card in my laptop. So, then I will not only have a comfy couch, but I will also not have a big ugly gray cat 5 cable draped across my living room. Ohh, my home is going to start looking grown-up!

2003-04-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone with my best friend. We live in different cities - Madison and Milwaukee so we don't get to see each other like we used to back in high school when I saw her every day and we talked for hours on the telephone. Now, it's harder and far too easy to let things slip, so we made a Monday night telephone appointment. I was bad today cause I think I called a little late. I have so much trouble adjusting to the daylight savings time. But it was so good to hear her voice. We didn't even talk for very long, but some of the stuff that's been bothering me just totally faded away. Maybe that's one of the best things about my best friend is that she really helps put things in perspective.

2003-04-07T11:54:00.000-05:00

So I wrote down Lonely Emily cause it popped into my head this morning. I was doing some editing at work and thinking about Emily Dickenson. It's probably not the best of poems cause it took for all of 5 minutes to write it, but hey it's a poem. I haven't written one of those in a while. Emily Dickenson lived pretty much as a hermit and wrote. That's it. She never published anything in her lifetime; it was all post-humas (sp?). So, I was thinking about what it would be like to be totally alone with flowers as my only companions. To be totally alone and to just write seems to me so masturbatory! It's not as if poetry isn't a total act of masturbation. So, out came this poem, doing only what lonely people do: masturbate and in Emily's case, in the form of poetry.

To me, masturbation takes many more forms than fingers in/out. It's a lot about anything you do for yourself and that only you can do for yourself.

2003-04-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

Lonely Emily

Sometimes I wish I was Emily
Writing poems all day though I am lonely
No need for publishers or pain of rejection
Writing in solitude would be my only absolution

I'd be alone
I'd be alone
doing what lonely people do
I'd be alone

Sometimes I wish I could be her
Laughing flowers could not deter
Singing songs in the rain
and nobody'd cause me pain

I'd be alone
I'd be alone
doing what lonely people do
I'd be alone

I'd hold up in my hand a gun
And pray silently to the sun
That I get some inspiration
In the divine form of masturbation

I'd be alone
I'd be alone
doing what lonely people do
I'd be alone

2003-04-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

Ugh, it snowed again today! I really hate driving in snow. It snowed on Friday too. Well that was more like the sky opened up and belched out tons of ice to coat everything. Phooey, I am tired of snow. It's freakin' April already. Spring is a joke in Wisconsin. Spring just means a time change and more snow. On the way to work this morning, I saw a car spin out and almost hit a salt truck.

All this talk of driving reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister on Saturday. She told me her views on seatbelts; she thinks that it should not be illegal to not wear them. To be honest, I never much thought about seatbelt laws since they were instituted when I was in fourth grade. Lots of kids in my class believed that it was a silly law. I didn't pay much attention back then, and I always just buckled up and never thought about it more than that. Sure, it's safe and all, but according to my sister, if you are an adult, you can make the decision to buckle your belt or not to. The only life at risk is yours. Maybe the highway patrol got tired of scraping dead bodies out of cars, or maybe there is a great economic advantage for fining people for stuff. I don't know. But she does make a very good point. While I always buckle my seatbelt, why should there be a law telling me that I have to?

2003-04-03T17:53:00.000-06:00

I still can't escape from news of war, and I'm concerned about this Salam Pax fellow. For a while I was reading his blog, Dear Raed, as he updated from his home in Baghdad. It would really suck to live in Baghdad now! Except he hasn't updated since March 24th. Of course our governement (I'm an American, btw) is bombing the heck out of his city, so I'm worried about him. It's amazing what the Internet has done for this war. I think that in every war, we see it differently because of the new technology out there. Now, for once, we can see it from the eyes of the people living in Baghdad. I wonder then how we can still justify war knowing that there are ordinary people just like you and me living in Baghdad. Salam Pax seems like a really nice fellow, and I truly hope that he is alive and well and that the reason he is not updating his blog is that his Internet connection is down. Actually, reading his blog motivated me to start my own to share my thoughts about things in my life.

This morning, I saw a picture of dead children who had been killed by an American cluster bomb. They were buried in a shallow little rectangular grave. They were all together in the sandy tan grave with no caskets, just laying in there like dead flowers tossed in somebody else's grave. It was horrible.

What gets me is that we are so technically advanced as a nation, and we have a very technically advanced military, but yet we cannot fight wars without killing innocent civilians. These were children who died, not soldiers! Seeing things like that makes me so angry. And yes, Saddam Hussaine is a bad fellow. He's done some really awful stuff since he's been dictator of Iraq since the late 70's, almost all of my lifetime to give some persepective. But why does the US have to kill children? Too bad we can't program bombs to say, if not in military uniform, don't kill!

Aside from my outrage, I really don't know that we should be fighting a war in Iraq at all. I don't mean it like I think we shouldn't be fighting a war; I mean it like I just don't know. What's this whole thing about anyway? As far as I was told, Iraq is not supposed to have weapons of mass destruction (defined as chemical, biological, or nuclear weapons), and they were supposed to cooperate with UN weapons inspectors. They didn't cooperate with the inspections, but what about these weapons? Does a lack of cooperation automatically mean that we should assume guilt? I think that's a very faulty assumption because there are a lot of reasons why they might not want to cooperate with inspections such as Iraq feels that the UN is invading its privacy. And so where are these weapons? Sure, Baghdad is huge, Los Angeles-sized, I've heard, but why couldn't we just let the inspections process go on or make more thourough inspections? We were told that the US had evidence of these weapons of mass destruction, but it did not show the evidence. I don't see why the US couldn't just be more forthcoming with both its public and with the world community. What is this evidence?

I really think that until I have the facts, I cannot make a judgement on the situation. Except, I am not being told the facts. President Bush is not holding up a baggie of uranium found in Saddam Hussaine's pillow and proof that it really was there. He and the government and media are just telling us that they have mysterious evidence and we should, as a nation, go ahead and support a war with Iraq because Saddam Hussaine is a bad bad man. I don't dispute that he is, and I don't dispute that he has done a lot of awful shit to his people, but I am holding out for my proof before I make a judgement. So, no, without any facts, I am not going to wave a flag and be all gung-ho pro-war. To really support or not support forces me to make a leap of faith, either way when I simply cannot know.

Isn't that all France was asking anway: give us the proof before we support war. Why not? That seems perfectly reasonable to me. And in a way, that's exactly what I am asking for. Proof and please please stop killing innocent civilians.

2003-04-02T09:55:00.000-06:00

The Madison mayoral race concluded yesterday. No matter what I would be disappointed because Mayor Sue Bauman is no longer going to be mayor. I really liked her style. However, it ended up being between Paul Soglin and Dave Cieslewicz (pronounced Chess Lev Itch). Interestingly, it was a race between Democrats, although the mayor is technically a non-partisan position. Of the two, I preferred Soglin because he'd been mayor before, and as far as I could tell, he did a good job as mayor. And of course, he did not irritate me. Unfortunately, he did not win; Cieslewicz won 29,717 - 28,528. The reason I do not like Cieslewicz has to do with his urban sprawl policies. Urban sprawl is impossible to contain in a geographically challenged city like Madison. Back in the day, Madison was built between two glacially-created lakes, Lake Mendota and Lake Monona. The views were pretty, but the city lies on a narrow strip of land called an Isthmus. When the city grows, the only way for it to go is to the east and west because it is bounded on the north and south by lakes. A similarly geographically challenged city is Seattle because it lies between Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Due to the narrowness of Madison, it's very difficult to get around in downtown Madison and equally challenging to get from one side of town to the other because there is no direct route.

Interestingly enough, Cieslewicz says that he will "end sprawl." I'd really like to see how he can do that in a geographically challenged city! I really don't think that it's possible, but it sounds good to the people living in Madison who equate urban sprawl with a bad thing. I personally think that sprawl is inevitable, and you need to build a decent transportation system and infrastructure to make it easy for residents to get from one part of town to another. When Cieslewicz makes statements like, "Interestingly, the market if left to its own devices, would probably produce less parking," I have to wonder if he plans to reduce parking in Madison. That's up there with one of the last things that Madison needs. On his web site, he refers to parking lots as a problem in that they cause more run-off. That scares me. Madison desparately needs more parking. I would prefer to see more parking structures, though, than surface lots. In a parking structure, you make better use of the space and can get more cars in the same space than you can in a surface lot. I also think that more underground parking is needed. I think it's short-sighted to try to develop downtown Madison without building more parking alongside the development. I've heard this argument far too many times: "When you live in downtown Madison, you do not need a car." That is simply not true. It could be if you were willing to only shop at Capital Centre foods and pay more than you could if you drive out to Woodman's. It could be true if you did not ever plan to leave the city, but I like to go places like the Twin Cities and Chicago in my own car, thank you very much. And a statement like I quoted above assumes that there is no urban sprawl in Madison and that there is nothing you would want outside the city limits. That is simply not true in this city. There are a lot of shops and restaurants on the far west side that I want to go to, and there are equally as many, if not more, shops and restaurants on the east side.

So, Cieslewicz does not seem to have plans to increase parking in Madison, but he also does not seem to have the rest of my concerns about this city in mind. He said nothing at all in any of his speeches about reducing algae in Lakes Mendota and Monona, and anybody who has ever been near those lakes in August can speak of the incredible stench. The algae makes the lakes disgusting and unusable for most of the summer. And yet, there are ways to reduce the algae such as reigning in runoff from farm fields and septic systems. If I want to go scuba diving in Lake Mendota, for instance, the only times I can do it and actually see anything is in spring and fall. I suppose winter too if I were willing to drill a big hole in the ice, but I don't know how to ice dive, although I've heard that it's fun.

Also, he did not mention ways of cleaning up downtown Madison. He did in the environmental sense, but I think there he is simply referring to air pollution and water pollution. I'm referring to dirt. I believe that there need to be more street sweepers and sidewalk sweepers. I also think that downtown businesses need to take pride in their locations and wash the sidewalks in front of their buildings in the mornings. I think that the Lake Street/Francis Street parking structure needs a very good scrubbing to get rid of that awful stench of urine in the stairways. And I think that there needs to be very strict penalties such as tickets and fines for any drunken students who think that it's ok to throw up whereever they feel like after a night of drinking. When I was a child, I learned that if I needed to throw up, I needed to do it in the toilet and clean up after myself if I got any on the seat or elsewhere. Somehow Madison students haven't learned that and yak in the streets or on the sidewalks. It's terrible! Yes, it's a college town and yes students are going to drink, but if they are going to throw up somewhere other than a toilet or barf bag that is sanitarily disposed of, then I say they need to be given a big ticket like $300 and then they need to clean it up themselves or be put in detox for the night. And there need to be equally strict fines for public urination. The only reason that the Lake Street/Francis Street parking ramp smells like urine is because people urinate in there! When I lived downtown, I would see urine on the walls of the building I lived in as well on the weekends. That's disgusting! Once again, something you learn as a child - urinate in a toilet. Maybe they need a $400 fine for public urination. These are steps that could so easily be taken to reduce the filthiness of downtown Madison. I also believe that there needs to be a garbage can on every street corner to reduce littering. When I lived in Milwaukee, there were green garbage cans all over the place that read, "Pitch in. Keep Milwaukee Clean." Why not do that in Madison as well?

So, I want to see a cleaner Madison with less algae and more parking. So, Dave Cieslewicz, if you are reading this, please try to fix these problems in your term.

2003-04-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

Have you ever heard the Who song, the Seeker? It says, "I've looked under chairs; I've looked under tables; I've tried to find the key;To fifty million fables... I'm a seeker; I'm a really desparate man." Well, man, that's me. Ever since my car accident last month where I totalled my 2000 green Honda Civic, I've been questioning a lot about my life. The reason is not that I am mad that the car is gone; I couldn't give a fsck about the car. The reason is that I could have died in that accident. I hit a guard rail at 50mph because I slid out on a chance piece of ice in the road over the Rock River. I bumped my head and had a headache for a couple of days, but I got really lucky. When you get that lucky, you have to question your life. Like why am I still here? Why am I not face down in the Rock River, a little Lynn-cicle? I am truly thankful to be alive and here today, but the whole ordeal really made me rethink my life because life is short. It's cliche but true. Lately, I've been feeling a lot like the Who's Seeker because I am looking for answers all over the place. I even started exercising because I want to feel good in general and feel good about myself. That's priceless and something that I think is very important, especially considering that our society places too much value on criticism.

But now it's my turn to be critical because I realized something very disturbing these last two weekends. I generally consider myself a Democrat. You know, the Liberal Left... But my best friend is a Republican. That's really no problem, and it's actually a good thing. You really need both sides of the coin to have a ballanced world. But what was interesting is that when I visited her, we talked until 2:30 in the morning about the War in Iraq, and of course, Republicans and Democrats have totally different views on the subject. But we had a great conversation! We once used the words, "agree to disagree" and that is such a great phrase because it means that you truly respect the other person's feelings. That made me feel very good. I don't think we walked away from that conversation in total agreement, but we walked away understanding more about each other, even in disagreement.

But here's the problem, I am friends with another person who is also a Democrat. You'd think we'd have great conversations, seeing as how we agree and all. But the truth, is I cannot talk to this friend. If I disagree, she just wants to prove me wrong and sway my opinion over to hers and she often puts me down to do it. A perfect example is our conversation about Video Game Violence. I'm pro-video game violence. I say go ahead make 'em as bloody as you can and let the consumer be in charge of what he or she purchases. I agree with the video game ratings system because it allows parents to know that maybe their eight-year-old really should not purchanse Grand Theft Auto Vice City. But I, as an adult can go ahead and buy it if I want to. She thinks that these violent games should not be on the shelves. There's the disagreement. But the problem is that she does not listen, ever. All she can do is talk and when I disagree either blocks me out or puts me down for not being as educated as she is. I, afterall, only have a bachelor's degree, not an advanced degree, and I am a writer, so how could I possibly hold a valid opinion. Of course, she does not say the part about the valid opinion, but she does not have to say it; it's there. And whenever she gets vehament about a point, she gets louder and louder until I just want to cover my ears and pray that my upstairs neighbor is not home to hear my ridiculous friend. It's a shame, and I really wish I knew what to do in this situation because I cannot remain like this where I cannot speak my opinions or my feelings.

2003-04-01T13:50:00.000-06:00

Today is April Fool's Day, and I have not yet pulled one single prank; I just can't think of one. Oh well... I still have about 10 more hours to come up with something. Just out of sheer goofiness, though, I rolled down the windows of Craig's car on the way back to work and crowed like a rooster to see how many pedistrians would look up like, "what the heck was that?!" Amazingly enough, I got a lot of people to turn and stare at this crazed rooster crowing passenger. Good thing Craig is laid back because I don't think he really cared! I wonder why exactly we have this informal holiday where we all get to act like asses for no particular reason.

One thing is for sure, though, I was reading some news sites today, and I had to wonder with each thing that I read if it was real. I suppose that's a good thing to do with the news anyway; ask, is this real? That's not something I can really answer. I generally try to avoid the news because it's bad news for the most part, and I don't want to have anything to do with that. Sure, I am not as well-informed as I could be, but does it really affect my life to know that another person died in a car crash? And I sure don't need to try to pay attention at all to know that the US is still at war with Iraq. Even trying to avoid the news could not allow me to escape from that fact.

2003-04-01T13:39:00.000-06:00

I'm a writer living in Madison, Wisconsin where I am currently working at a software company writing technical documentation. In my spare time, I am writing a novel.